The Buddha says “life is suffering.” The more we can accept this noble truth, the more we can be content. We have to stop resisting our pain, and allow it to be there, because no one is exempt. Our brains are wired from an evolutionary standpoint to survive, not be happy. We have a built in stress response, know as fight or flight mode. Our ancestors had to face many predators and harsh conditions in order to survive, which meant we had to be vigilant. Currently, in our daily lives, we are confronted with tons of stimulation from technology, to do lists, over scheduling, traffic, and we value busyness and multi-tasking, which we process as chronic stress. This chronic stress takes a toll on our bodies, and is not the same as the acute stress from long ago. We don’t have to worry about our comforts and survival as much, yet we are more stressed and unhappier than ever. We are not wired for happiness, but instead for survival.
We are taught from a young age that we should be happy. Happiness is a fleeting feeling, that is not sustainable at all times. Instead, we should aim for a life that is valued and meaningful, with the full range of emotions.
When we are living life in the fast lane, we are not slowing down enough to be present and live in each moment. Our thoughts are constantly in the past, thinking about how we ended up in this unsatisfactory life we are in, or in the future being anxious about things that will probably never happen. We are also not acting in a way that we consciously desire. We are not giving thought to our responses, instead we have knee jerk reactions. This is typically not who we want to be.
I tell my clients that are unhappy with their current situation to stop ruminating on how they got there and to stop resisting their circumstances. Pretend you are a contestant on “Survivor”. Resort back to that survival mode of our ancestors. You just landed on the island, and let go of all the circumstances that led up to your situation. Now, challenge yourself to survive and rise above what your are going through. This enables you to be an “observer” of your life, and detach from all the negative thoughts. When you think of it in this way, you take out all the blame, shame and regret that brought you to your current situation and you can put all your energy into consciously creating the life you want.